Sometimes life does not turn out how you expect

I should change the title of this blog to The Erratic Blogger.  Except that someone who doesn't know how to spell might think I meant something else with one less R and an O and then I would get all kinds of awful comments.  I am pretty good with getting none.

Soon I will be 52.  Let me tell you what was supposed to be happening right now.  Jim was supposed to be 3 years away from retiring from Ford with an awesome pension and a fully stocked 401k.  I was supposed to be employed part time in some sort of church-related or philanthropic organization that involved lots of public speaking, creativity and management of volunteers.  During my off hours I would redecorate my house with craftily painted thrift store purchases.  During the summers, the flexible nature of my work would allow me to spend weeks at a time in South Carolina with my parents, cooking shrimp dinners after long days reading on the beach or volunteering with them in one of their many causes.  Jim and I would have the money and freedom to visit our kids in their respective cities and our holiday reunions in Michigan would be centered on the spiritual foundation on which we raised our kids.

So that didn't happen.

On the other hand, God has been so gracious and Jim and I both have good jobs, good enough to send both of our kids to private colleges without crushing them under student loans.  My house looks like crap, but honestly it just isn't a priority.  Once in a while I will think about what my house could look like if we kept some of the money that belongs to the Lord, and while it looks nice in my imagination it comes with too high a price tag. To give up the blessings that come with tithing has no appeal to me at all.   Besides, I can barely keep up with paying bills and preparing food and there is no way I am going to hunt down cute little wooden chairs and spray paint them.  My kids are terrific, even though we don't see them nearly as much as we'd like to.  M. has kept her spiritual foundation intact but S.'s is shattered on the rocks of a bad experience with our old church.  But life is a long thing, and I trust in God to draw S. back.

Things have not turned out the way I expected.  But I continue to be astonished with the way that God uses the misery in my life and works it to good.  I am both thriftier and more generous than I might otherwise be.  When I hear about people who have lost their parents, my heart aches with a genuine sympathy and I try to support them.  I will never again think "that can't happen to me", because I know how fragile life and faith can be.  I am deeply and truly in love and in like with my husband.  Life is hard.  Life is good.  God is good.  Even when I don't get anything I was expecting.