Many Homecoming Dances

My 17 year old daughter is at a Homecoming Dance tonight, the first of 4 she'll be attending in 4 weeks. It's complicated. The first one is with a guy who is Just A Friend, the next 2 with groups of girlfriends, and the final dance is with a boy who creatively invited her, using a white board. I already like him.

When I was a junior in high school, the Homecoming Dance was right after the Homecoming game, so everyone went in their jeans, unless you were one of the fortunate few who were part of the Queen's Court, in which case you simply looked ridiculous in your formal gown (no sour grapes, I was in the Court my senior year, looking absurd and out of place). You met up with your date or your friends after the game, and walked up the hill to the cafeteria, elegantly draped in school-colors crepe paper and balloons (the cafeteria, not you). You fast danced most of the night, never touching your partner. 3, maybe 4 times during the evening, came the much-anticipated slow dance, where you got to move around in a slow spiral while hugging your partner.

Now they simulate sex on the dance floor, and every year there are rumors of couples who actually perform the act, escaping the supervision of vastly outnumbered chaperons. I have heard from teachers who are chaperons that my daughter is one of the few who don't grind. This makes me happy, but at the same time I am sad that the magic and mystery of future romance is being removed for these kids.

I wish she didn't go to the dances, but I won't forbid her from going. I wish she never had to see any of this, but I know that it is a part of her world. I wish that her first year of marriage would be full of the amazing discoveries of something previously unknown, and I still think it might be. I wish I could change her world. I can't do that at all.

So I offer advice, even though I know it may be ignored. And I pray. For her to be wise, for her to be protected, for the decisions she makes not to hurt her future. That needs to be enough for me now.